Seeing My Self Worth

Last week, I was trained by someone who had the sharpness of observation as well as the proficiency in skill.  Under his training, I was forced to tap into my potential.  A club member who was loitering around said, “Wow, you need a highly accomplished master to bring out your hidden talent!”  Of course she was just joking, but my trainer said I had potential, only that it was deeply buried and would need someone very skilled to bring it out of me.

I didn’t think much of that comment until today, when another parallel event occurred.  In that event, someone had to take a big risk to go around a mountain between us in order to come to me to ask for help.  At the human level, you can understand it as him coming to me to ask for help, but at the soul level, I see it as him coming to me to help me.

Prior to these two events, I was trying to import value into my field.  I didn’t feel anything in my nervous system, so I knew there was something wrong with my attempt.  I could not feel my own worth as a person, as a living thing walking on this planet.  I’m not talking about being a certified accountant getting highly paid for my professional service as a way to prove my worth.  I am talking about my innate value as a human being.

Can you feel your worth as a human being, before fitting yourself into any roles and positions?

Usually if I were to manifest something consciously, it will actually be produced in physicality within a day or so.  But with this theme of self-esteem, there was no indication or movement in my physicality nor in my perception.  So I knew the inertness had to be approached from a different angle, with a different understanding and assumption, and in a different framework.

Once, someone asked Eckhart Tolle for advice on how to coach or guide someone.  That person was a life coach.  Eckhart said, what you really should be doing is not to try to do anything to that person, but rather, to observe the psychological ripples within you as you are helping that person. 

So for the last little while, I have been practicing this while I interact with others.  Instead of reacting or responding to them, I observe myself while they tell me their experiences, and I heal everything that is being triggered in me. 

If someone comes to you with her problem, and you have a need to tell her what to do, that compulsion is something you need to heal.  More specifically, the part that needs releasing is the force behind your need to advice someone.  If you remove the force, do you still feel compelled to tell her what to do?  Or would you be completely still within yourself?  That stillness is total presence.  And that presence is your worth.

As I went through my own process of observing and healing, I came to this understanding and realization.  When the person came to me with his problem, I first emptied myself of all the psychological junk that was popping up inside me, to prepare myself for giving him the guidance.  After I emptied myself, I was left with only my presence.  In that presence, what did I want to say or do?

Whatever came through in my state of being present, that was the purest form of support that I could offer to him.  And that’s my highest value.

Of course my guidance would include practical and logical steps, and not entirely based on intuition that came through, but the key in delivering the guidance is to attach only the purest and highest vibrations along with the more concrete steps.  If my own junk is not cleared, then during my delivery, I would inadvertently attach my own junk, and when it lands in the receiver’s field, even if he cannot consciously perceive it, it will still have a negative impact on him unconsciously.  So that’s not real help.

This person who came to me for help is highly perceptive and picks up on more refined and delicate notes.  So it is a training for me to make sure that he only receives the highest vibrations from me.  I can understand why this event would occur, because only he can bring out the highest potential in me, and I need that experience to see my own worth. 

There are people who can see your worth, and there are people who can bring out your worth.

It might sound like a very convoluted approach to heal low self-esteem.  My aim is not to utilize a band-aid solution to repair a psychological wound; rather, to heal a wound so that my soul would not have to carry it forward into future lives.

The prudence of clearing my junk before offering my guidance is not just for the sake of the receiver, it is ultimately for my own benefit, as whatever energy I send out eventually bounces back to me. But in the meantime, while my energy circulates outward, it does benefit others. So in this sense, individual healing benefits the collective.

In the past when I sampled different spiritual healers and therapists, they all passed their junk to me through their guidance.  I imagine it’s the same with finding a sports trainer; you go through different coaches with different styles. 

The key is not finding the quality of external support.  The key is you increasing your vibration to match the quality of support that brings out the best in you.

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