Same But Different

Let’s take a look at the same result of me buying you a cup of coffee, but having different effects, meanings, feelings, emotions, etc.

Scenario 1

I bought one too many cups of coffee for my team and so instead of throwing it into the garbage I decided to offer it to you.

Scenario 2

I know you like coffee from this particular coffee shop and you only drink it with brown sugar of a particular brand but they don’t carry that sugar so you don’t often buy coffee, but I bought that brand of sugar and bought coffee from that shop and hand-delivered it to you.

Scenario 3

I need to buy you coffee because I need you to do something for me. In truth I find it troublesome because I don’t normally go to coffee shops, and this cup that I bought was a bit out of my way.

Scenario 4

I know you have been stuck with some problems at work that require a lot of trouble-shooting and brain-storming to figure out a viable solution, and although I would love to help, I am already at the peak of my capacity, so I can only offer you a cup of coffee, as mental support, but I don’t have time so I just grab a cup from the nearest convenient store but their coffee tastes awful so I have to add a lot of cream and sugar to cover the taste.

. . .

Can you already feel the difference in the above four scenarios?

In the first scenario, at best it may brighten you for a little while, but definitely not as long as scenario 2 where the impact is direct, intentional, and delicate. At worst, I find that the first scenario may make you feel like a garbage can, and you may decline the offer, or you may accept it because you feel that it is still better than nothing. Notice that these are different feelings and states of mind leading to different outcomes.

The third scenario carries some reluctance and annoyance. If I open up the underlying motivation further, there might be some powerlessness or helplessness or desperation that leads buyer to do something she doesn’t want to but have to do. And you, the receiver, may not appreciate the coffee the same way as scenario 2 or 4. You may politely and cursorily express your thanks, but probably nothing deeper than that. Or maybe you believe that you are entitled to it, because you are doing the buyer a favor. So this dynamic, relationship, and interaction is infused with negative feelings and emotions, which are feeding into the quality of the relationship.

In the fourth scenario you may feel encouraged and lifted in the midst of your doom, and be comforted in the knowledge that there is another human being who sees your struggle and responds with care and support, although the taste of the coffee itself is forgettable. So this is a different feeling than the first three scenarios and that feeling is built into the relationship, to improve its warmth and quality.

. . .

Notice that in the third scenario, no matter how many cups of coffee you get in that relationship, the quality of that relationship may never be the same as the second or fourth scenario. That means, it is not how much you do or what you do, it is the underlying meaning, intention, emotion that determine the quality and sustainability of a connection.

If one simple gesture can have many different impacts, feelings, meanings, etc., then imagine spending long hours working closely with your teammates toward a unified goal. Doesn’t it feel like a thousand pachinko balls flying around you? The collaboration may feel rejuvenating and exciting, or it may feel overwhelming and stressful, just like the above scenarios, depending on what energies, emotions, thoughts, feelings, intentions, expectations, etc., you are infusing into the group project.

Right now you are seeing the buyer and receiver sides consciously, so you clarity of the quality and nature of the interaction. But if you are the receiver, you do not have conscious awareness of the buyer’s state of mind, intention, feeling, etc., but you just get a vibe from that gesture, and then you will have different feelings and reactions. So now I am telling you that there is a way to consciously read and follow the different feelings, mood, etc., so you have the choice to focus on generating only the kind of ambience and mood that you want with your teammates, project, process, etc.

By learning to use your senses to consciously read these underlying information, and chronic pattern of interaction with certain personality type in certain situation, you are changing the quality of your interaction and therefore the outcome of the collaboration.

In the course we’re offering, I will walk you through some of the molecular and psychological activities of your sensory system, so that you engage your senses more consciously to create the outcome you want.

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