I have been scanning my sense of balance relating to my physical incoordination lately. I have always found that my limbs do not coordinate well enough to play sports that require skills and finesse. This has nothing to do with practice. It’s more like, when I try to execute a certain physical movement, even though with as much precision as instructed, I still find that my entire beinghood is in a state of blankness, feeling awkward and strange, that my mind is absolutely unable to engage fully in that physical movement, like there is some very severe disconnection between my awareness and my physical body’s activity. Contrast that to when I am stationary, like when I am doing scanning of my inner state as I have always written, I feel that my mind is able to connect to different parts and levels of my body to read them. But when my limbs are instructed to execute a specific movement, at a specific angle, at a specific time, if the external situation is such and such, etc., I go totally blank. There’s zero communication line between internal and external worlds. Avoidance of agitation and aggression. What I mean is, in the pathway, there is too much agitation and aggression energies such that whenever I need to pass signals through that pathway, the signals swerve away from those energies such that there is no proper transmission and therefore no accurate execution of that desired movement.
The avoidance is due to intense fear, therefore strong need for self-protection. Plus, it’s an inherited reaction. Meaning that, my forefathers are like this, so I also react like this. So that pathway is very solid, like a much treaded path, the memory is so solid that neurologically I cannot derail.
As well, my inherited neurological reaction to such avoidance is to forcefully charge against it. It’s like pushing against a brick wall, in an attempt to overcome what is difficult or virtually impossible.
So in terms of execution of physical movements, it’s like my body is stepping on the gas and the brake at the same time. Very exhausting, awkward, and imprecise.
In the twelve senses, these are all different manifestations of energetic imbalances which eventually produce an inability to physically balance myself, say on a skateboard, on skates, on skis, etc. The imbalanced energies are in many of the sensory organs and perception, such that my entire beinghood, my entire existence, my entire body are immersed in and enveloped by many different types of imbalances, and in such a chaotic mixture of energies, it is too confusing for my physical body to execute a movement swiftly and accurately at high speed, at the instant command of my brain, if you add in an equipment for the body to master and command, because you are adding too many variables, each with its own set of possibilities and calculations and adjustments, so in the end, my body just goes blank. Totally lost! Because there are conflicts and blocks in the pathways, and every time I practice the same movement in order to build muscle memory as most athletic coaches think is the right training, I am intensifying those conflicts and blocks.
Physical movements cannot be perfected (adjusted) without first smoothly out the traffic in the psychological and neurological circuitry to create a supportive foundation for building new skills (new neurological and muscular circuitry).
