You may have realized by now that I have a lot of imbalanced energies relating to being controlled, as I have written quite a few articles on the subject of control, which can be quite broad and nuanced, and I still continue to release them as I continue to experience them, but today I want to take you through this subject from a different angle–sense of taste.
The imprint of control can most broadly be explored and healed through our sense of touch, as that is the sense that builds the sensory pathways between ourselves and our external world (also our internal world), and all the other senses sit on these touch pathways to transmit signals of sight, sound, taste, etc. However, in this article, I will take you through some of my experiences with taste.
Starting from childhood, for many years in my adult life, I could not recall what my mother made for me for breakfast or lunch, I could hardly recall what she cooked except in certain instances where she got mad at me for not finishing my food and I told her it was because there was a fly that crawled into my food, so the whole plate of food became rather revolting, not at all appetizing, but she disagreed saying that there was no fly. Anyway, that was an imbalanced energy about me being invalidated, and because of that I resented eating.
Later I looked back on my father’s reaction to my mother’s food. He had no reaction. No complaints, no appreciation. Whatever she cooked, he ate. Actually, he gulped it down without much tasting. Hence no enjoyment.
After my mother had passed away, he would also eat like that–without tasting. I think some people’s relationship to eating (not food) is akin to a comforting mechanical process, perhaps a process that gives them security.
As for taste, our sensory organ and perception, he prefers salty food and generally dislikes sweet food. I like both equally, and also in equal proportion. If I have eaten too much salty food and nothing sweet, I would crave sweet snacks, even though I am already full. And vice versa.
What is your taste preference? Are you overly addicted to one of the tastes–sweet, sour, salty, bitter, pungent, astringent–or are you more balanced? Do you pick your food based on what you think is good, or what your body feels like eating? Do you fret over what you eat? What are your chronic emotional states when you eat, when you think of eating, when you think of food?
When we have a craving for a particular food or particular taste, it’s because our body is sending signals to us to put that food or taste inside us in order to balance, comfort, satisfy, support our inner emotional energies.
Now, I want to switch toward the subject that is more important to me: the controlling energy in my sense of taste. As briefly mentioned above, you can see that my mother controlled my food intake. To be more nuanced, I was also denied a lot of foods (mostly junk food, beverages, etc.); and I was dictated on when to eat, when not to eat. Basically I needed permission and approval as to what to put into my mouth. That imprint of control was so strong that even after I went to live with my cousins, I refused to join them for afternoon tea and biscuits, because my mother did not have such a habit, and even after they ridiculed me for being stubborn and different, I still refused to drink tea with them, but this time, it wasn’t so much because I didn’t have the habit, it was because I loathed their shaming.
Now I realize why I had attracted that dog owner into my experience. He was very controlling to his dog, not allowing the dog to eat too much because he’s diabetic, not allowing the dog to eat at certain hours probably also because of diabetes, not allowing the dog to eat more than five pieces of snacks, etc.
Here’s the problem with controlling energy in one’s sense of taste: inability to control what one eats, aka powerlessness. In more extreme cases, imbalances in one’s sense of taste may lead to eating disorders.
Going a bit deeper, when one is being forced to eat or being denied from eating, the feeder usually also imposes and projects his own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, emotions, etc., onto oneself. Most likely, those are all imbalanced energies, eg., worry, fear, anger, hatred, agitation, lack, insecurity, etc.
So I started this article with the title of healing our sense of taste, for you to explore those imbalanced energies and then balance them. When our sense of taste is more or less balanced, we can feel our existence in this sense, which is powerful and present, and with presence, we can more thoroughly enjoy what we eat.
