Yesterday I finished watching the Japanese reality show Love is Blind: Japan. The final episode started with a surprise between Shuntaro and Ayano, and in the interview with Shuntaro after he broke off the wedding, I was again surprised by what he said.
This morning, I seemed to have the mental clarity to let the content of yesterday’s show sink in, because I suddenly came to the realization that he went into the conservation with a sense of closedness, and yet was surprised that the other side was not open to negotiation. He didn’t say it explicitly, but it sounded like he was hoping for a discussion, it’s just that he started off the discussion by closing the door on her and then was offended that she walked off instead of clinging to the door begging for it to open.
Last night, after finished watching the show, I went for a walk and bumped into the guy upstairs. I was going to continue on my path after greeting him, but he insisted that I joined him on his walk to the store. I had no interest in walking with him. I was merely keeping up with a civil neighborly relation. However, since he insisted, and I was curious about his relationship with his money, so I went along.
Along the way, he talked about himself and asked about me. I didn’t really say much, but merely answered his question like answering an exam question. In other words, I wasn’t interested in opening up to him, in establishing a deeper or stronger connection with him. I was just having a casual conversation with a neighbor. But it’s also because I didn’t know how to turn the questions around to something that would fit my particular circumstance more. I mean, sometimes you need to ask the right questions in order to get the right answers; if you’re only asking superficial questions, then that’s what you’ll get.
But it was clear that he was open to connect, it’s just that he didn’t have the ability to connect to me, and neither of us made the extra effort to form a deeper bond. Everything was just very casual and effortless. It either flowed or didn’t flow.
After buying whatever he wanted, from two stores, we walked back. When I was opening the building entrance to walk back to my condo unit, he followed behind me.
“You’re not going home?” I asked.
“No, I’m just going to come over for a bit, if that’s okay with you,” he said the second part after a slight hesitation.
“No,” I replied without hesitation.
I had my key in the key hole and was unlocking my door, but I was absolutely certain in my mind and my psychological space that I did not want this person to enter my home. So without putting much effort into formulating an answer, I just came up with some meaningless response to dismiss him.
He insisted again on coming in. I insisted again on not letting him in. He insisted yet again. Back and forth. There was no force involved, but I was set on rejecting him. No room for negotiation.
So he extended his palm, a gesture that was common to him, to offer to hold my hand. That’s his way of giving me a hug, a friendly and amicable parting gesture. I held his hand and we parted, at my door.
Later, after something opened up in my mind, I realized I should have told him exactly why I didn’t want him to come in. I should have communicated it to him clearly. Rather, what I did was to close my door on him, physically and psychologically.
Then I looked at my healing on human connection. I have a lot of neurological conditioning on closing myself off from others, on blocking connection, on distancing myself from others, exactly like what Shuntaro did in the final episode of the reality show.
But I only came to this realization after I tried to consciously open up myself emotionally. And that conscious shift was a result of a realization that I had blocks. And that awareness of my blocks came from inner exploration and inner clearings last night.
So as I retrace a couple of my steps backward, to see how I have come to where I am in this moment, I can see how we raise our vibrations, step by step. First we dive deep to clear our trapped emotions and denser energies, so to clear up space for higher energies to come in. I am consciously inviting and anchoring the higher vibrations. Once we inhabit the higher frequencies, our perception of our outer world upshifts. We begin to see a better way forward, in our relationships, our health, our finances, our jobs, etc. In addition to better or more opportunities, we also perceive better emotions from the same situations.
I am getting a clearer view of the guy upstairs now. He is actually open and available to connection. Regrettably, I am not. Furthermore, from my place of closedmindedness, I am looking out into the world and hoping for a nourishing relationship. It doesn’t even make sense.
All the terms and conditions we set for ourselves and our relationships are effectively doors that we either open or close to the other person. One thing I have been unable to reconcile for a long time is my expectations of others. More specifically, how do we move forward with others who do not share the same values and goals as us?