This morning I decided to write down my dream from last night. The reason for my decision was that, as I was doing my acupuncture, I sensed the emotional intensity of my dream. It was like a person writing on a piece of paper, and when he wrote the full stop, he kept the nib of his pen pressed on the paper, not releasing contact, so the punctuation mark became emphasized as the ink kept transferring from the pen to the paper. And when he eventually released the pen from the paper, the resulting dot was so intensified that it became the focal point on the entire page, that when he looked at the page full of text, that dot stood out to grab his attention. And even if he flipped to the next page, the ink from that dot still showed up as it had already seeped through the paper. In a similar fashion, one part of my dream was like that in its intensity such that it had penetrated through several layers of my consciousness to arrive very pronouncedly at my waking level of consciousness. When that happens, I know that there is something in the dream for me to understand consciously. So I write it down.
I started with the details surrounding the dot, and branched out from there, to find the start of the dream, to move through different events in the dream, and in the process also found a second dot of a lesser intensity.
Once I had scoped out the rough arc of the entire dream, I asked, “What part of my waking reality does this dream correspond to?”
At first, I really felt it strange that I would have that dream, feeling that it was completely irrelevant to me. But as I stayed focused on some of its details, it started to associate with certain events in my waking life, and therefore answered my question above.
In the process of writing, I also questioned, “Why did it happen like this instead of …?” That was a part that I needed healing on, to transform the trajectory by transforming the properties of its underlying energetics.
Later, after I had finished writing down the dream, I asked, “What’s the point of this dream?” What am I to gain out of it? The answer was for me to review what I had previously manifested and then to reposition myself better for future manifestations.
And then as I stepped out of this question and answer, I got another answer. I remember, yesterday evening, I was complaining about how my desires in the recent past, during the Christmas holidays, didn’t manifest, that my conversion from desire to physicality was a complete failure. I was quite loud in my complaint, not targeting anyone specifically, just posting my dissatisfaction into the air almost like an act of air pollution. Surprisingly, there was an ear in the air that heard my complaint and actually addressed it for me by giving me that dream.
So after I understood its purpose, I started to list out the overarching characteristics highlighted by the dream, the points that I wished to change and heal. There’s a hierarchy with those points. At the top of those points, there is one or two central beliefs or programs, so I fished for the central theme:
Uncertainty. Insecurity. Ungrounded.
I work from bottom up or top down, depending on how you orientate. The theme or belief is the foundation, so for me, it is bottom up. But it is the determining factor for my experiences; as I change the belief, I change everything that cascades downward from that belief, so in that sense it is top down.
I want to shift toward focused, solid, determined, anchoring, unwavering and very clear-cut expression of intent, etc. That would require me to re-orientate myself to operate in such a manner. My previous exercise on learning to aim straight at my goal and shoot is an attempt to operate in this manner. Now, I leverage this pathway or pattern to organize my desires in my psychological space such that they would manifest in a more clear-cut and straightforward manner, without any wishy washy or dilly dally nonsense.
From my current vantage point, I can see how that initial attempt of learning to aim straight at the bullseye is extremely crucial for me to rebuild my life, as that is the pattern of energy flow I want to copy and paste into all other areas of my life.
There were many catalysts that precipitated my execution of that exercise, though one of which eventually catapulted me into action. It was like a mad bull that danced left right up down in all random directions seemingly without control, and then suddenly the bull decided to stop its nonsense and aim straight at the red flag dangling several meters in front of it and charge.
That ultimate catalyst was when I asked Jesus, “Why am I failing repeatedly?” The image I got was, me shooting at the archery board, aiming at the center, but … between me and the center, I unconsciously inserted or attracted a big piece of paper titled disappointment. Instead of shooting at the center of the board, I ended up shooting straight into the center of disappointment, with 100% accuracy!
To phrase it another way, as I tried to manifest my desire, there were also a lot of disappointment, fear of failures, and whatever other rubbish in my psychological space that started to dance around as soon as I tried to manifest. Those rubbish organized themselves into a dot, and positioned themselves right in front of my desire, so that my manifestation was guaranteed to fail and disappoint.
My previous two articles are a summary of my attempt to address this problem. Now, I can proceed to re-manifest my desires.
