How do I wish to start my 2022? How do I wish to position myself for success in 2022? What is my goal?
While I closed my 2021 by doing psychological housecleaning, I opened my 2022 with an alignment with my goal of optimal physical health. My definition of health is the proper flow of energy, and the efficient operation of all processes in my body.
My perspective on health deviates from that of others, and so my journey toward health has been a solo one. To illustrate some of my deviation points, I’ll use Phil Phil’s (my guinea pig) story:
Last January, Phil Phil stopped eating for many days and was losing weight. In the midst of winter he didn’t have enough fuel to keep his body going. When I eventually brought him to the vet, she could not identify the root cause, but charged me more than $1,200 for tests and medications that Phil Phil didn’t want. He continued to go downhill, and the vet continued to recommend treatments and procedures that more or less aligned with unknown root cause, quoting me additional $1,800.
There were two points of deviation that immediately pulled me away from the vet, despite the critical condition that Phil Phil was in (lack of support is better than negative support):
- Healing without knowing root cause. Blindness.
- Pouring energy outside of the root cause. Waste.
Despite my lack of medical expertise, at that pivotal point, I actually had the confidence that I could do better than the vet, as well as the entire institution or medical system she represented. I believed in myself.
My treatment approach was extremely rudimentary and elementary. Nothing sophisticated. Just intuition and common sense:
- I let Phil Phil decide what he wanted. He didn’t want to eat the food that the vet prescribed, I said okay, while the vet suggested force-feeding. I bought him hay, which he did nibble on, though he didn’t have the strength to eat.
- I administered moxibustion on him. The moxa was to lift him up, prevent him from dying, although the dosage was not optimal, and he experienced some side effects.
- I gave him a personal portable heater. He slept on the floor, which was very cold because my balcony door leaked cold air when it was -30°C outside. There were nights when I saw him sitting next to the heater, with very little body heat of his own, and I knew, he had reached a point where he was relying on external heat to keep his heart pumping.
Above are only some of the actions I took. But behind these changes were certain beliefs and thoughts that were foundational to my points of deviation:
- I regarded Phil Phil as someone who was self-determined, who had the inner knowing as to what was right or not right for him. He eats paper, among other non-food items, but he doesn’t get sick or die from them. He didn’t eat the premium guinea pig food that I had once bought for him, and after his resolute refusal by going on hunger strike for a day, I tasted his food and agreed with him that the premium food was rubbish—smelled good, but it’s only artificial flavoring; looked good, but it’s only artificial coloring.
- I scanned his body and his life path. There was nothing that said he had to die now, and doing so in such a miserable and undignified way. In fact, I sensed his body as a machine capable of further operations, easily. All functions and genetic information were intact, properly positioned to live a good life.
Using these points as my basis, as well as the general fact that the universe is slightly tilted to the positive, if I just played a supporting role and let him take charge of his life, he would recover.
There were also a couple other major points of deviation that inspired me to remove him from the vet:
- I wanted him to have the dignity and freedom, all the basic rights of a respectable living being. What the vet recommended was to strap him down, to stop him from rejecting force-fed food, to plug him with intravenous tubes to sustain his vitals, to apply anesthesia on him to stop him from refusing medical treatment, etc., all of which I considered to be outrageously inhumane and undignified! I could feel smoke coming out of my crown as I heard her professional recommendations, not to mention the astronomical price I would have to pay for such indignity! You disrespect life in the name of health?
- I didn’t agree with intervention and force. Intervention is control, domination, and manipulation. There is an intelligence in the natural world, one that is beyond our egoic mind. It’s the same intelligence that gave birth to all life forms, and shall be used as the guiding force for returning to health.
There were critical junction points in his recovery where his body was so weak that after nibbling a few bites, he zonked out on the pile of hay, with his eyes fully opened. I thought he was going. If he didn’t have the strength to eat, then he wouldn’t have the strength to process what he ate, etc.
I was not able to gauge whether he had passed the threshold of no return, whether the decline was too severe to make a U turn, to climb back up to a functional level. So I said to him, “If you have to go, then go. I respect your choice. And I will be with you every step of the way. But if you ask me, I wish that you can stay in my life for many more years to come.”
He chose life, and he beautifully executed that choice. I am so proud of him, and so thankful for his choice.
. . .
For a long time, I refused to believe though eventually I did, that the culprit of his self-imposed starvation was me.
For many days leading up to the start of his starvation, I was surprised at his huge appetite. Then one day, while filling his bowl, I projected a thought into the bowl: “Don’t eat so much.”
He started eating less and less, never finishing it. When I eventually accepted my intuition, and poured new food into the bowl, he started eating like normal again.
. . .
Phil Phil’s story is a simplistic illustration of my own pursuit of optimal health. The body is a micro universe that mirrors the macro universe. In my pursuit, I become a student of life. To continue my pursuit this year, I expect that I will learn more about life and about myself.